Now I can't log into my Elementary install. I give up. I keep trying to use Elementary because it's so cute and I like the work Daniel and Cassidy do and it keeps backfiring in different ways, and it makes no sense. Such a bummer.
I think it's because I let it do the install alongside Linux Mint option, which might have messed up permissions or something. I don't have the patience to debug this kind of thing, when it's not a big deal (I don't have any data on the partition). Won't do that again.